In the time of a retrograde

Warning this is a fairly long blog entry… you may want to settle down with a cup of tea. We’ve been quiet for the past month, and some profound personal shifts have been occurring. I wanted to share just a part of my spiritual journey this month.

You may not know but I’m a Gemini, who’s planet is ruled by none other than Mercury. That means that Gemini’s (along with other signs ruled by Mercury) feel the retrograde more than others. And this one, was felt more than most. Mercury began its latest move into retrograde on March 30 and will be fully past on the 23rd.  At the start of writing this post, there are 4 days to go.

I can’t say that I understand everything there is to know about astrology, really, I only understand a fraction of a percent, but I do know that Mercury retrogrades always mess with me, and my electronics. Emails go awry, programs break, you’re easily misunderstand and sometimes you just find yourself in a healing crisis trying to release old karma.

TOSOTS is and always has been a reflection of our spiritual journey. It is the product of perspiration, perseverance, desperation, joy, and an expression of our discoveries. Since we’re so energetically linked with the business, it is only natural that we go into a quite time while we’ve been more tuned inwards to reflect and heal. There have been few emails or special requests from our customers, so there have been few demands on our time. There have also been very few updates in the past few weeks, no facebook posts, and no blog posts either. But this has given me the necessary time to process and heal. A quite time is both scary and a blessing when you own your own business.  But I now understand that to everything there is a cycle. A time to expand, and a time to contract, much like the rhythm of breath.

You know you’re in for a rough ride when your healing crisis pretty much begins with a trip to the ER with suspected appendicitis. In between the tests, the seven hours spent in the ER gave me lots and lots of time to think. Memories from the past began to bubble up, with striking similarities to an indecent when I was in my teens, reinforcing the importance of the memories. These glimpses of the past told me this had less to do with the physical now, but the emotional issues from the past. So it’s no wonder that they released me at almost midnight telling me I was fine, but should symptoms return, to go back to the ER. So thankfully, no appendicitis, but that left me wondering what was the point besides now leaving me with thousands in medical bills, especially since we’re not exactly rolling in money.

Abundance is one of my blocks, and more specifically abundance of money. We have an abundance of lots of things in life, but concepts of love, joy, gratitude, acceptance, just don’t pay the bills, LOL.  It’s not that I expect to win the lottery, and be rolling in money, but the easy flow of money in and out. I mean, what’s the point of abundance of cash flow if you don’t let it, well, flow. It’s not enough to want abundance, or need abundance, but you have to embrace abundance, in all of its forms. Accept abundance no matter what form it comes in.  Don’t ask the universe for help, when you don’t open all of the doors. When you let go of expectations and limitations, you will be cared for.

This month the universe has been conspiring against me. Granted, everything has been in my own best interest. Against all struggles and resistance, it is giving me what I want and what I need, maybe not in the way I would have anticipated. But isn’t that the way?

For example, circumstances have brought me to apply for some outside work. I continue to struggle with my massage practice.  I don’t want a huge practice, but a couple of days a week would be nice. Some weeks it works, some it doesn’t, but it’s nothing reliable. I’m not great at marketing myself, but stubbornly not wanting to work for anyone else. Working at a spa was out of the question, or so I thought. Not that there is anything wrong with a spa, but often they require too many hours without proper breaks, I know myself and my body, I can’t handle that type of job. At a low point, I applied anyways. I thought for sure I wouldn’t get past the application stage. But I opened the door and after speaking to the manager, the actual job requirements mesh perfectly with my goals. To my surprise, they are checking references and I now truly hope to get the job.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Another example, I’ve made some fairly good lifestyle changes the past few years. Gave up smoking and eating much healthier. But exercise is one thing that I pick up for a few months, then drop for a few months. Physical activity is something I need more of (tie in to emergency above), but lack the motivation.  So while I was pondering jobs that I could do on a part time basis, a friend sends me a message. Dog walker hiring, you interested? Hmmmm… paid, to walk dogs. Key word walk, walk = exercise. Paid to exercise? Now that’s a plan I can get behind.  (I started training today by the way. ;-))

None of these lessons have come easily for me. Days have come and gone in a blur, leaving me wondering where all the time has gone. My sanity held in check by my loving wife Mary, our children (well at least the furry, feathered, and finned kind) and my dad and of course my guides and mentors. I’m grateful to Mary for holding everything together while I went off on this spiritual journey I wasn’t aware I was embarking on when this all started.

I seem to be home now. The retrograde is coming to a close and the cycle is coming to a close. Maybe this time around I’ve learned the lessons that have been presented to me. Here’s just a few. 😉

Abundance flows where and how it can. Don’t put a limit on it.
The universe loves me.
My guides will get a message to me, even if it has to go through 2 people to get to me.
Cherish the little things that make you smile.
Open your heart, you have nothing to fear.
I am me, a product of all my parts, but not consumed by any one of them.

By the way, retrograde is now over in 3 days. 😉

~Jenn

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