In the past I have been known for juggling more than one person should be able to handle. Those who know me best know I have joked about the lack of sleep and long days I have kept. I’ve juggled school, job and a business more times that I care to admit. Worked 55+ hr weeks and worked 12+ hour days. But this year I just haven’t had it in me. This year I’ve had to slow down and take care of me. This year I’ve had to put things on the back burner.
I feel guilty. And it’s been hard.
Why? Because comparisons are odious. Comparisons can make us feel like less of a person because we feel we aren’t doing enough, that we aren’t being enough. Pile on depression and anxiety, and you can easily feel like you are climbing a mountain but never find the peak. But who defines enough? Who should define enough? You are the only person who should be making those decisions about you and your body.
Here’s the thing, I’m not superwoman, I’m human. And I am sure I am not the only one to feel this way. There are only so many hours in a day, and my energy reserves are exhaustible. It’s okay to feel tired, it’s okay to be tired.
So this year I had to take a step back and honor that I can’t do it all. And still its hard. It’s hard to say no I can’t do this. But with practice it has been getting easier (although I’m still working on saying No to extra shifts) But it has been getting easier to say the dishes can wait or I don’t have to answer that message at 10pm.
There have been times that I’ve thought once again on giving up some of what I do, but the crystals call to me and I can’t give them up. They add so much beauty and joy. And I can’t give up my hands on work either. So I have to find some kind of balance.
I will probably fail, and that’s okay. The important thing is to not give up.
I’m imperfectly perfect. And that’s okay.
And here’s thing that’s most important for you to take away from this confession. You don’t have to be perfect either. No is a complete sentence. It’s okay to set limits. You are enough too. Even if that means you managed to make it from the bed to the couch today because for some that is the equivalent to running a marathon.
Last but not least: To my customers that are still hanging in there I appreciate every one of you. Updates may be less frequent these days, but I will always answer message as soon as I can and shipping will be done weekly.
Stay strong. Be kind, especially to yourself.